Singleness and the Mission Field

I want to write about an important facet of missions that I think isn't talked about too much. It's kind of a taboo subject.

The ratio of single men to single women on the mission field is 1:10. So, any guy going to the mission field has plenty of options as far as finding a spouse! But for a single woman who feels genuinely called to the mission field, we have to face facts. Most women who go to the field single will stay single. The rare exceptions prove the rule.

No one likes to talk about this. It's uncomfortable. But it's true - singleness is one of the things that has been the biggest stumbling block to me as I've tried to honestly say to God, "I'm in this for the long haul." This is not to say I haven't been content with being single. I think I have been; and I'm still young, so I haven't been too stressed about it. But I think most single women you meet who have committed to mid- or long-term missions work will agree -- marriage was always an assumption. We've grown up just expecting that it would happen eventually. Now we have to seriously face the prospect of postponed marriage, or never getting married, and maybe never having children of our own.

James 1:2-3 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."

Count it ALL JOY.

I looked up the word steadfastness in the dictionary. It means unwavering, firm in conviction, fixed or unchanging. Keeping your eye on the prize, keeping the goal in mind, staying fixed on that goal.

As single women on the field, we face down the prospect of living alone in a hut or apartment for years and years. Many days this is fine, even exciting, and we KNOW it's worth it. Other days, it feels like a real trial. But just like any other trial, God puts this one in front of us and asks us to face it and overcome it through His strength so that we get to a point where we are more steadfast, unwavering, committed to the work of missions that He's called us to. And I think a part of facing the trial and getting to a place where you can "count it all joy" includes allowing yourself to mourn (for a time! not forever!) over your singleness.Mourn it, and move on. Don't linger over your bitterness, or constantly wonder if you should give up missions and go home to find a husband. Settle the issue once and for all.

This is something I have been fighting against for a while. I didn't want to mourn it, though some missions books I'd read had advised me to do so. I didn't want to accept it as a very possible part of the job description. But  as I've been home in America for a while and so many people ask me about this, it's been hard for me to answer them honestly and say that I might not get married. It's been hard to honestly say that I'd be okay with that, if it's God's will.

So I prayed about it. I thought about it. I allowed myself to mourn my singleness and wrestled with God about it until now I think I've come to a place where I can honestly say that I am ready and willing to go to the mission field and stay single.  I've settled it. I'm not going to fight with Him about it anymore.

I recognize that there may be work that I'm better able to do as a single woman. The fact that I love working with kids (which I always assumed meant I'd be a good mom) means that I can "mother" lots of kids overseas in a way that a married woman, focused on her own family, couldn't. That's a beautiful thing. I may also be able to go to places and work in settings that a family simply couldn't, or wouldn't.

And I know that the Lord is good. He's not punishing me, or my sisters in Christ who are serving alongside me. We're not defective or abandoned. We're not less worthy of marriage than our happily married friends. And who knows, maybe I will still get married someday. But if I don't, that's okay. I don't want that to get in the way of my steadfast following after God.

I'd love to hear how my other single missionary friends have dealt with this, and how I can pray for you. It's such an important topic and I think we should discuss it freely.